This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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