I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
