I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
