Can i not drive my cunt home
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
