he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
