I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
