i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
