I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
