He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
