I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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