textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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