mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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