Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
