He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize