She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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