Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
