the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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