its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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