Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
