he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
