It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
