Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
