Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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