Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
MIDGETS
????
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
