I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
