ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
