whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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