i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
