im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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