i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
