If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is classic penis vs brain.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize