I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
