so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
