dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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