If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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