Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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