I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
