Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
