I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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