i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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