and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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