Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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