So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
