even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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