Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
