You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
