My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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