after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
