it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
