i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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