Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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