me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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