He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
