Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
