i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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