The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
