can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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