Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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