I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
