P.S. I can't hear my feet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your cock deserves a montage
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
