Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
