I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize