Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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