You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
