True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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