Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
