She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want nice things and good sex
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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