Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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