I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
