with your own penis?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
