i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
