Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I will be naked everywhere
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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